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Sometimes I will just let my moustache be there because I can't force myself to go buy wax. This is obviously part of the "acceptance" phase of my relationship with my body hair.

Again, I'd like to reiterate that said acceptance isn't about reaching some higher level of zen or self love, it's literally just about having too many other things that are far more worthy of my worry.

This wasn't always the case: I spent most of my teen years horrified by what a hideous, hairy beast I was. The aforementioned name-calling really didn't help.

I would obsessively bleach and shave and wax before any occasion at which my body would be exposed a pool party, for instance. I used to have my arms waxed regularly and I made my mum swear on my life that one day she would pay for me to have laser hair removal on my snail trail still never happened, mum, I'm looking at you.

Being a hairy lady is hard, especially when unrealistic standards of beauty in the media would have you believing that every grown woman is as free of body hair as she was the day she slid out of the womb.

Oh, how younger, less self-accepting me would've loved to have had the slick, hairless body of a Victoria's Secret Angel! If you're a hairy-ass lady, don't sweat it seriously sweat plus excessive body hair is not a fun recipe for BO —There are worse things than being hairy.

Being mean or racist or having incurable foot fungus, for example. Regardless, there are still struggles that go along with being a woman who is blessed with excessive body hair.

Here are 6 of them:. I'm not saying that only super hairy women understand hair removal because, clearly, most women get it to a certain extent but talk to a hairy girl about hair removal and it's like talking to Neil deGrasse Tyson about the universe—girl will know more than you knew there was to know.

Nothing bums a hairy girl out more than having a hairy lower back. Maybe a snail trail on her tummy. My mum calls my hairy lower back my welcome mat which never ceases to gross me out.

I had one ex-boyfriend who would stroke it, like it was his pet, which also made me feel wildly uncomfortable.

It's the thing I was most ridiculed for growing up. While I've never waxed it, I have contorted myself into some pretty weird positions trying to bleach it.

Hairy girls will understand: it's not that your back hair makes you feel gross or insecure, it's that having it there makes you feel genuinely melancholy, because your back is like a dude's back or at least what you've been taught a "dude's back" is supposed to look like, compared to what a "woman's back" is "supposed" to look like, all of which is super unfair and weird and leads to you needlessly hating something on your body.

And no matter what you do to it the fact is the genetic lottery gave you a merkin on what's supposed to be a very sexy part of a woman's body.

A hairy girl probably spent the majority of her formative years the ones where the most bullying happened fake tanning the crap out of herself based on the logic that if she somehow could bring the color of her skin closer to the color of her body hair, somehow the body hair would look less obvious.

Note to hairy self-tanners from a former hairy self-tanner: this logic is extremely flawed. I went to high school with a Greek girl who had to take a week off school because she burned her face trying to bleach the thick black hairs on it.

This girl had pube-like sideburns, and when she finally recovered from her injury, the bleach, even though left on way longer than it should have been, only managed to turn the hairs orange, rather than the angelic, diaphanous white a hairy girl hopes for.

I've definitely substituted my upper lip hair for a red bleach burn scab before, and even the most veteran bleacher can make a boo-boo.

The same study says that big balls equal high blood pressure in males. The findings? Men with larger testicles had links to heart disease and other cardiovascular health issues.

Do women like big balls? I kid you not. You know how those Beta Fish are put in those fish tanks roughly the size of a stick of butter? Down to the real question: did I give a crap?

Or maybe I just keep dating guys who are opposed to showers. Still, not a fan of balls—period! More to love! My favorite is when they slap against you during doggy.

Big, small, who really cares about sack size, anyway? Still concerned about having big testicles? Stay on top of any health concerns you may have by having regular ball exams.

A testicular exam can be performed by your family doctor, or at home, riding solo! Pro tip: move your penis out of the way before getting down to the boys!

Doing one ball at a time, roll your testicle between your thumb and fingers. This will make it easy to discern if anything about your sack has changed.

Schedule an appointment with your doctor if you do feel any lumps or changes. Instead of sweating over your big balls, enjoy them!

Liked what you just read? Waverly Smith is a freelance writer who has been getting paid for spreading her sarcastic take on love, life, and sex since She is many things that peo Follow Waverly on Facebook Don't Miss this!

E-mail to:. Your Name:. Your Email:. Personalized Message:. We were talking about our respective big break ups and were both pretty drunk, so when we both said how nice it would be to have someone to make out with without getting serious we immediately started making out.

One night she came back to my place and it started getting hot and heavy. After we were both nude she told me that she had only been with one guy and that she believed in only having sex with someone you love.

I respected that and went down on her, thinking she would reciprocate, but alas no. Blue balls are a bitch, especially after an awkward hand job.

Several times over the next two months she kept trying to get me to have sex with her and I kept telling her no, at first solely out of respect for her rule but then I started to understand that this girl was falling in love with me.

She never came right out and said it, but she would constantly tell other people she only slept with people she loved and that same night would try to sleep with me.

I really liked her as a person but was way hung up on my ex and still very much in love with her. The night of her 21st birthday I got to the party late.

By the time I got there she had already drunk way more than she usually did and had smoked weed which she never did so she was completely wild.

She made it all of about 45 min with me there before she started puking in the middle of the street, with me holding her hair back.

She said it. There was no more question, my suspicions were right. Not a minute or two after she said this she passed out.

I picked her up and carried her into the house, stripped her down, and put her in a warm bath to clean her up.

Once I got her cleaned up I put her in some pajamas I found and put her to bed on an air mattress in a back bedroom. I figured she was out for the night, so with a heavy heart and a lot on my mind I went out to the party to drink my cares away.

And I fucking had a lot of cares. I was hurting someone I really liked just by being around her. I had to break it off the next day.

So I drank like my life depended on it. Hours later I went to the back bedroom with the air mattress to pass the fuck out.

At that point I am not even sure I could remember what happened earlier. I stripped down I sleep naked and jumped under the sheet.

I must have passed out because the next thing I remember is a pair of warm, velvety lips awkwardly giving me a blow job. I looked down to see the girl, the girl who never gave head, trying her best to give me a blow job and not doing very well at it.

Oh my god I was so horny. Months and months of never cumming once was mixing with the alcohol to make very bad thoughts go through my mind.

Now, this girl had told me she had been with one other guy, so maybe I should have thought about that and the fact she might not be used to sex, much less sex with a person of above average size.

I did not think of that. I grabbed her by the hips, went to the hilt on the first thrust, and rode as hard and as fast as I could.

I have no idea how long it lasted…probably not very with months of sexual frustration. Thankfully I had the thought to pull out and I did just in time.

Completely spent, I rolled over on the now flat air mattress.

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Yes, that's mostly because I'm lazy and can't be bothered. Sometimes I will just let my moustache be there because I can't force myself to go buy wax.

This is obviously part of the "acceptance" phase of my relationship with my body hair. Again, I'd like to reiterate that said acceptance isn't about reaching some higher level of zen or self love, it's literally just about having too many other things that are far more worthy of my worry.

This wasn't always the case: I spent most of my teen years horrified by what a hideous, hairy beast I was. The aforementioned name-calling really didn't help.

I would obsessively bleach and shave and wax before any occasion at which my body would be exposed a pool party, for instance.

I used to have my arms waxed regularly and I made my mum swear on my life that one day she would pay for me to have laser hair removal on my snail trail still never happened, mum, I'm looking at you.

Being a hairy lady is hard, especially when unrealistic standards of beauty in the media would have you believing that every grown woman is as free of body hair as she was the day she slid out of the womb.

Oh, how younger, less self-accepting me would've loved to have had the slick, hairless body of a Victoria's Secret Angel!

If you're a hairy-ass lady, don't sweat it seriously sweat plus excessive body hair is not a fun recipe for BO —There are worse things than being hairy.

Being mean or racist or having incurable foot fungus, for example. Regardless, there are still struggles that go along with being a woman who is blessed with excessive body hair.

Here are 6 of them:. I'm not saying that only super hairy women understand hair removal because, clearly, most women get it to a certain extent but talk to a hairy girl about hair removal and it's like talking to Neil deGrasse Tyson about the universe—girl will know more than you knew there was to know.

Nothing bums a hairy girl out more than having a hairy lower back. Maybe a snail trail on her tummy.

My mum calls my hairy lower back my welcome mat which never ceases to gross me out. Personalized Message:. We were talking about our respective big break ups and were both pretty drunk, so when we both said how nice it would be to have someone to make out with without getting serious we immediately started making out.

One night she came back to my place and it started getting hot and heavy. After we were both nude she told me that she had only been with one guy and that she believed in only having sex with someone you love.

I respected that and went down on her, thinking she would reciprocate, but alas no. Blue balls are a bitch, especially after an awkward hand job.

Several times over the next two months she kept trying to get me to have sex with her and I kept telling her no, at first solely out of respect for her rule but then I started to understand that this girl was falling in love with me.

She never came right out and said it, but she would constantly tell other people she only slept with people she loved and that same night would try to sleep with me.

I really liked her as a person but was way hung up on my ex and still very much in love with her. The night of her 21st birthday I got to the party late.

By the time I got there she had already drunk way more than she usually did and had smoked weed which she never did so she was completely wild.

She made it all of about 45 min with me there before she started puking in the middle of the street, with me holding her hair back. She said it. There was no more question, my suspicions were right.

Not a minute or two after she said this she passed out. I picked her up and carried her into the house, stripped her down, and put her in a warm bath to clean her up.

Once I got her cleaned up I put her in some pajamas I found and put her to bed on an air mattress in a back bedroom.

I figured she was out for the night, so with a heavy heart and a lot on my mind I went out to the party to drink my cares away. And I fucking had a lot of cares.

I was hurting someone I really liked just by being around her. I had to break it off the next day. So I drank like my life depended on it.

Hours later I went to the back bedroom with the air mattress to pass the fuck out. At that point I am not even sure I could remember what happened earlier.

I stripped down I sleep naked and jumped under the sheet. I must have passed out because the next thing I remember is a pair of warm, velvety lips awkwardly giving me a blow job.

I looked down to see the girl, the girl who never gave head, trying her best to give me a blow job and not doing very well at it.

Oh my god I was so horny. Months and months of never cumming once was mixing with the alcohol to make very bad thoughts go through my mind.

Now, this girl had told me she had been with one other guy, so maybe I should have thought about that and the fact she might not be used to sex, much less sex with a person of above average size.

I did not think of that. I grabbed her by the hips, went to the hilt on the first thrust, and rode as hard and as fast as I could.

I have no idea how long it lasted…probably not very with months of sexual frustration. Thankfully I had the thought to pull out and I did just in time.

Completely spent, I rolled over on the now flat air mattress. She laid there for maybe a minute or two before she burst into tears and ran from the room.

I think I passed out right as she left the room. With all the drinking I slept like a log until the next morning.

I woke up and looked over to see her laying next to me with her eyes wide open. I remembered exactly what happened and lost whatever bit of drunkenness that was still in me.

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